Walkabout days 5 & 6

Thanks for you patience as I'm working through updating about Walkabout.  It has been slightly hectic around here lately, and I finally have a chance to give a small little tidbit about the middle part of our trek.

Days 5 & 6 were the days that I dreaded the most on Walkabout: solo.  48 hours spent in the wilderness with a Clif Bar and 5 jolly ranchers.  We were given time to fast and pray and be alone with the Lord in the middle of his glorious creation.

The morning of day 5, our guides briefed us a little bit about how it work, how we had to check in at base camp once a day and how much water we should be drinking.  After praying as a team, our guides took us out one by one and placed us in our solo spot where we would remain for the two days.  As soon as our guides dropped me off and turned their backs, I began to sob.  To be honest, I was so angry at God.  My biggest fear is being alone, and yet here He had placed me all alone (or so it seemed) for a whole two days.  I cried for a solid three hours off and on; it might have been the hardest three hours of my life.

As I turned to the Lord in prayer, He was so faithful to meet me there.  Going into Walkabout, I had felt so inadequate for this RA position.  I looked around and saw beautiful people who seemed to have it all together and to be honest, I felt like my life was a wreck.  I remember asking God how I was going to be able to pour into my residents when I didn't even feel like I could make it through a day of my own life without breaking down.  After pleading with God to reveal Himself to me, I heard Him whisper, "Morgann, your brokenness does not disqualify you from ministry, it is simply a constant reminder of your need to rely on me.  It's a blessing.  I'm not asking you for your ability, but for your availability."

There are so many things that God taught me on solo, but this was the biggest one.  I am called to walk in grace and live by faith.  I was trying so hard to do it all on my own; and yet God calls me to give it all to Him.  So here I find myself with move-in day coming to a close and 40+ residents roaming my hall.  My mind is all jumbled up, my brain tired and my eyelids heavy.  On my own strength, I would be hopeless.  Yet I'm choosing to rely on God's strength and His alone.  As I listen to what's outside my door, the laughter lifts my spirit, their smiles light up my face and their love for life fills my heart with joy.  This is what I've prayed for.  This is what I've hoped for.  This is where God has me.  And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.  This is life abundant.