But still you love me...

God is doing amazing things in this valley. I am blown away at how God is changing and molding this ministry at Christ's Church of the Valley day by day, week by week, month by month. Today was Jeremiah Mullins's live DVD filming at youth group. To be honest, at first I was concerned that the audience would be inclined to put on a show for worship, just because of the film crew's presence. But what I saw, was something far different.

There was something alive in worship tonight. These kids were honestly pouring themselves into the worship, for no one but God himself. I was so humbled to watch 12 year olds bowing before our King on high, and to see kids coming together to offer sacrifices of praise. The Spirit of God was so clearly moving in the hearts of many. I couldn't help but feel unworthy...

I was thinking about what an irony this is in Christianity. It is during the most intimate of worship times, when I feel most out-of-place. It's like the closer I get to God, the more I see the faults within myself. The more unworthy I feel to be in His presence. It reminded me of a verse I was reading earlier today:

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."

~1 John 1:7

We are called to walk in the light--in the presence of God the Father, Jesus the Son, with the Holy Spirit in us. So, why is it that when I feel I am doing this most, I begin to feel such separation? Then it hit me like a load of bricks.

I am a sinner. And my natural tendency is to focus on myself. Why in the world would I, being in the presence of God, be focused on myself--even my own sins? It is during those intimate times especially, where we are called to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." I have come to realize that this is one of the wiles of the Devil that many Christians fall into. We get into this "we are so unworthy" mindset, and all the while, we become more and more self-centered and self-focused, while God takes a backseat in our lives.

I am learning that in those moments, when my attention suddenly shifts to my unworthiness, I have to willfully take every thought captive and turn my heart toward Him alone. It is in those moments, when we fix our eyes on Jesus, that He can start to piece by piece replace our identity with His. When we let go of ourselves, and become enthralled by Him, he then, can start to do serious work in our lives. This is the process of sanctification. The process of God making us more and more like Him...it is through sanctification that we become holy and set apart.

And somehow, as God sanctifies us, our unworthiness seems to slowly fade in our minds. Because the only thing that matters is that HE is worthy of our praise.