Deliverance

"Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

~Philippians 1:18b-21

Oh man, God is really giving me a run for my money with this one--no doubt about it. Honestly, this weekend has been so trying and just when I thought my faith couldn't be stretched anymore, God proved me wrong again. I find myself in a place where nothing is comfortable, nothing is certain and I can hardly focus on what the next hour will bring. I'm at a place of utter surrender--a good place to be, I guess.

I don't know if I can really say the same thing that Paul did. As he sat in a cold, dark, small jail cell, all He could think to write about was Christ. As I find myself in a cold, dark, isolated place in life, the more I want to write about this cold, dark, isolated place. Sin sucks. I wonder if it was a struggle for Paul to rejoice in all circumstances.

As I harvest every bit of strength in me to keep my eyes fixed on Him, I ask you to rally around me in prayer. My heart wants to do one thing, and the rest of my body stands rigid in protest. I desire so badly for God to use me for His glory--even in this. Whatever it takes for His Name to be far above and highly exalted, I'm all in. God hears the prayers of His saints.

Honestly, I don't have it mastered, and I never will. Right now, I am wrestling with selfish thoughts of "Why me?" and then I'm quickly reminded of God's still, small voice that says, "Because I'm with you. And with me, all things are possible."

And so, I press on, with this as my prayer:

Lord, forgive me for my lack of faith. Test me and try me, make me wholly acceptable in Your sight. Please rid me of all my impurities and begin to rebuild who I am at my very core. And above all, would You give me the privilege of honoring You?